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maandag 7 januari 2013

6 Things to Know About Revolution's Return

That was the party line Sunday at Revolution's panel during NBC's winter TV previews, as executive producer Eric Kripke promised reporters that the second half of the series' freshman season will actually begin to deliver on the promise of the title.

When last we left Miles (Billy Burke), Charlie (Tracy Spiridakos), Rachel (Elizabeth Mitchell) and the rest of the gang, they had escaped Monroe's (David Lyons) clutches only to come face-to-face with his fleet of helicopters — all thanks to Rachel's pendant amplifier, which provided power to his new army.

Impending battle aside — and there will be many on several fronts — Kripke says that at its core, Revolution is a family show and in the second half of the season, the Matheson family will be tested. "The story becomes about can this family — some of them are related by blood, some of them are just related by loyalty. Can they stick together in the face of these overwhelming odds and this overwhelming danger?" Kripke says. "And can you maintain your soul when you're a warrior?"

"This is The Waltons with swords," he adds. "We really want to make sure it always has an incredible amount of heart."

Check out what else is in store for Miles & Co. when the series returns this March:

1. Taking a break: The series has been off the air since the end of November, but the producers actually see the long hiatus as a good thing. "When the idea came up, I was enormously relieved," executive producer J.J. Abrams says, recalling all the repeats during the run of Lost. "A lot of the shows I'm watching on cable run this model, and I like to voraciously watch episodes running continuously and I'm really excited that Revolution has the opportunity to do that," Kripke adds. In fact, this break gave them the ability to tweak the story moving forward and speed up the pace of the stunning revelations. "We wanted to have a second half that was bigger and better and more exciting."

2. Danger ahead: The series will pick up exactly where it left off, with Miles & Co. starring down the barrel of Monroe's chopper guns. "We don't take away that card that we gave as a cliff-hanger," Kripke says. "Monroe does have choppers and does have a limited form of power. Giving him power was more about making him an unstoppable force that your heroes are totally outmanned and overwhelmed as they're trying to battle against him." However, the promo below shows the gang may find some power of their own to retaliate.

3. Expanding the world: "The focus which we've seen so far has actually been very limited within the Monroe Republic. In the second half, we start to slowly, but surely expand the world," Kripke says. Before the end of the season, they will cross into Georgia, a place that has some commodities that the Monroe Republic doesn't have for good reason. Kripke also noted they'll eventually head out west.

4. The future: The producers already know where Miles, Charlie and the gang will find themselves by the season finale, but remained mum on what that would look like. "We definitely have the season's end mapped out, we're working towards it right now," Kripke says. "As much as I had on my previous show, I have a multiple year [plan]... but they're only cocktail napkin sketches... There's really no end of the stories we can tell."

5. Injuries: There's a chance some of our favorites may not come back whole, but that might not actually be written into the script. The cast has started to take on more horseback riding and swashbuckling sword fights, but that doesn't mean they're total pros yet. "Almost got my rib broken and almost broke Billy's nose," says Giancarlo Esposito, who plays the nefarious Capt. Neville.

6. Too much power? Now that power is possible, Abrams and Kripke recognize that it goes against the initial premise of the series, which is why the former says Revolution doesn't plan to flaunt it. "The genie is put-back-in-the-bottle-able," Abrams says. "They are able to tell stories that will give us these moments and peaks that you know this power exists, and this power is out there, and it's a part of what this incredible struggle is and the conflict that you'll see. You'll be able to see that really what the goal is, is that the power is possible. Will it remain on constantly all the time way too early? Based on what Eric has brilliantly pitched to us, the answer is no."

Do No Harm Offers a Modern Twist on Jekyll and Hyde

Steven Pasquale will be pulling double duty this winter on NBC's Do No Harm.

Pasquale plays Dr. Jason Cole, a highly respected neurosurgeon tormented by his dark side. In this case, his dark side is his alternate personality Ian Price, a devious and wild sociopath hell-bent on destroying the lives of others. Yes, it's the story of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, but with its modern-day setting, it's more like "House meets Dexter," executive producer David Schulner told reporters Sunday at NBC's winter TV previews.

"It's a high-concept premise in a very grounded world, and that's what we're going for," he continued, noting that why Jason has two personalities isn't as important as the journey of Jason finding a way to rid Ian for good. "Get to know our characters, fall in love with our world. Then, as the season gets to a climax, and Jason gets closer and closer to finding that drug that will kill Ian, then we're going to peel that onion more."

Of course, Jason isn't the only one who wants to be the personality in control. Schulner says Jason and Ian will be locked in a cat-and-mouse game throughout the season. "Ian is a little bit like a cat," he says. "If the cat wants to play with that mouse, he doesn't want to kill it because what fun would that be? So Ian is going to do a lot of stuff to Jason... There's a true danger to him and he's truly menacing and that's why Jason's character needs to get rid of him. [But] Jason is just as smart as Ian and is sometimes two steps ahead of Ian."

By the season's end, their battle of wits will come to a head as viewers will discover how Jason may be able to separate himself in a way Schulner says is both "medically grounded and will completely blow your mind." "By the end of the season, you're going to learn almost everything and then next season we'll start with a completely different dynamic."

Is Jennifer Esposito Leaving Blue Bloods For Good?

Don't expect to see Det. Jackie Curatola walking around the precinct on Blue Bloods anytime soon.

TVLine reports that former series regular Jennifer Esposito — who abruptly departed earlier this season -- has now exited the show permanently.

Esposito first took a leave of absence in October after CBS TV Studios said in a statement that she was only available to work "a very limited part-time schedule" and was therefore "unable to perform the demands of her role." The studio added that they hoped that her character would return "at some point in the future."

However, Esposito quickly fired back at the studio's claim in a series of tweets, saying that her doctor said she needed a reduced work schedule because of her ongoing struggle with Celiac disease, a condition that damages the lining of the small intestine. The actress went on to claim that she collapsed on set because of her medical condition and that CBS kept her from working on the show or anywhere else. "Absolutely shameful behavior," she said at the time.

Esposito's last episode aired on Nov. 2 and she has subsequently been replaced by actresses Megan Ketch and Megan Boone.

XFactor winner James Arthur sells millionth copy of 'Impossible'

X Factor 2012 winner James Arthur is set to sell his millionth copy of ‘Impossible’ this week after enjoying yet another week at number one.

James’ winner’s song Impossible sold a further 70,000 copies this week to keep Britney Spears and off the top spot, having previously missed out on last week’s Christmas number one.

The song has now shifted an impressive 971,000 copies in its four weeks of release and spent three weeks at number one.

James tweeted this week: “I’m number 1 again? Sweet!! Thanks must go to you sick individuals who bought it! And I mean sick in a good way! #LOVE #Whatayear xxx”

The Official Charts Company reported last week that the song has already eclipsed the total sales of Leona Lewis’ A Moment Like This, Joe McElderry’s The Climb, One Direction’s What Makes You Beautiful, JLS’ Beat Again, Little Mix’s Cannonball and Olly Murs’ Please Don’t Let Me Go.

The song is now quickly catching up with the remaining winner’s singles and will almost certainly overtake them in due curse.

Currently Alexandra Burke’s Hallelujah (1.2 million), Shayne Ward’s That’s My Goal (1.1 million) and Matt Cardle’s When We Collide (1 million) remain in James’ way of having the biggest selling X Factor debut yet.

The growing nastiness of period crime drama

Time was when period detective drama meant spending fifty minutes or so in the company of a shrewd OAP solving aristocratic murders in picturesque country houses by drinking Earl Grey from china cups and gently probing the scullery maid. It was sanitised, sexless, and more doilies than Deadwood.

Of late however, period crime TV has evolved into something nastier. Twinsets, dastardly heirs and moustachioed Belgians are out, muckiness, dismemberment and gratuitous nudity are in. Looking ahead to new commissions from ITV and the BBC, the trend set to give Scandi-noir a run for its cosily attired money is for knobbing-and-knifing period crime drama. Forget Call The Midwife, we're talking Kill The Midwife, and leave her brutalised corpse out for the local cats.

Forming the vanguard of the assault is of course Ripper Street, the BBC’s police drama set in the months after Saucy Jack (who, on reflection, was less saucy and more utter bastard) filled the streets of 1890s Whitechapel with his evil deeds. Ripper Street arrives on our screens just as BBC America’s Copper, the channel’s first original series following a nineteenth century cop in the child prostitute and violent mob-ridden slums of New York, bows out.

Featuring only slightly less violence to the private parts of female Eastenders than channel-fellow Call The Midwife, Ripper Street’s first episode opened on the mutilated corpse of young Maude, and closed with another woman, drugged, raped, and almost being choked to death on camera. In-between was the now-obligatory nude slab sequence (admittedly, it would be tricky to carry out an internal examination with her corset still laced) and, correct me if I’m wrong, a particularly cheeky shot of the pathologist’s head hovering over dead Maude’s special area, just moments after he’d been seen with his face up the skirts of another woman. The message was clear: sex, death, and smut are what Ripper Street is selling.

Moving to the other side, ITV has not one but three historical crime dramas on the way, from WWII-set Murder on the Home Front telling the story of a pathologist on the trail of a serial killer during the Blitz, to a sequel to 2011’s  nineteenth century homicide adaptation The Suspicions of Mr Whicher, and Life of Crime, a twentieth century trek through three decades of a police officer’s career which chooses the brutal murder of a fifteen year old girl as its kicking-off point.

Across the pond, US channel Starz has just announced their pithily named new commission Crime, set in sixties Britain and written by The Departed’s William Monahan, while The Walking Dead’s Frank Darabont (no stranger to corpses and gore) is seeking a slice of the Boardwalk Empire-period pie with his LA Noir adaptation, about the gangster-battling forties LAPD.

With Downton Abbey and Call The Midwife running away with the ratings most weeks, it follows that a TV audience with a thirst for period drama would drink their fill of it in another genre. Happy to relax into the chintzy, comfortable world of Earls and nuns doing the right thing, perhaps watching nefarious types and guttersnipes do very much the wrong thing is yet more escapism, another way to avoid the quotidian and drift off into bowler-hats and bustles reverie.

We’ve seen just two episodes of Ripper Street so far, but in each the divisions between good and bad are comfortingly drawn. The sadistic toff in the first episode and Joseph Gilgun’s scouse Fagin in the second were wrong’uns and no mistake, brought to fatal justice by the right-thinking men in blue. The plots may not revolve around whether the Dowager Countess wins the village flower show, but underneath all the grot, the programme is still a reminder that good will out, and whatever the viewers’ situation, we’re better off than toothless tarts and filthy urchins living in the vale of tears that is 1890s Whitechapel.

Yet, it’s difficult to deny that both kinds of period drama scratch very different itches. Part of the reason we’re attracted to on-screen and on-page atrocity is because it thrills yet reassures. Watching a fictional victim meet their grisly end and then being able to close the book, walk out of the cinema, or switch off the TV unharmed, heartbeat leaping with the metronomic message of ‘I’m fine, I’m fine, I’m fine’ is life-affirming and stimulating. The likes of Cranford, Downton Abbey and Lark Rise to Candleford function more as sedative than amphetamine, the TV equivalent of a mug of Horlicks, not the slightly suspect Red Bull high of Ripper Street or Copper.

Death and the darker sides of life aren’t the sole reserve of the new historical crime dramas of course. Vagrants, extreme poverty, disfigured war vets, prostitution and homelessness regularly occur in the fluffier ‘bonnets and breeches’ dramas, the difference being that their victims are like as not cleaned-up, rehabilitated, and sent gratefully on their way to a new life, rather than winding up as mutilated cadavers on a pathologist’s slab.

If the economic landscape can be tracked by the rise and fall of hemlines, then our taste in crime TV must also fluctuate according to the events of the age. Between the World Wars, readers with no desire to add fictional guts and gore to their first-hand experience of it wrapped themselves up in Agatha Christie “cosies” like a warm blanket, reassuring themselves with tales that excised the dark side of death and focused on always-resolved genteel mysteries.

What explains then, the current taste for telly that reopens the history books to scribble strangled women and violent disembowelling all over the margins?

Is it a simple case of copycat productions? There’s no better proof that replication sells judging by the flurry of cheap-looking identikit bondage fantasies pumped out by publishers this summer in the smutty wake of the Fifty Shades trilogy. Make one gory period detective show, and a legion follow behind.

Perhaps the answer lies in the conventions of contemporary crime TV, so perfectly skewered by Charlie Brooker and Daniel Maier’s spoof series, A Touch of Cloth. Gratuitous corpse photography, lingering nude slab shots, and a parade of women sliced, diced and served up for our horrible viewing pleasure are commonplace in CSI-type drama, so finding those tropes transported to centuries past is the next logical step.

The explanation doesn’t only lie at the feet of crime drama, but pans genres. Nudity, blood and swordplay in the likes of Game of Thrones and Spartacus have upped the ante in post-watershed TV, so in order to shock or – and there are so many problems with this next word it necessitates a much longer discussion – titillate these days, shows have to escalate the nastiness. All of which begs the question of what comes next? Whatever it is, it’s unlikely to be more prudish.

Here’s one so-bad-it’s-probably-already in-development scenario: Marple and Poirot rebooted Nolan-style; grittier, darker, and sexier. She’s an ex-escort girl off her tits on laudanum tracking an aristocratic slicer-up of ha’penny tarts, he’s a compulsive gambler who can only rid his little grey cells of the painful memories of his dead wife and daughter by having seven shades of shit (and his curly moustache) kicked out of him in illegal street fights. Commissions anyone?

Celebrity Big Brother 2013: Heidi Montag warned for 'racist' language

Paula Hamilton and Heidi Montag have been given warnings by Celebrity Big Brother bosses.

Model Paula was reprimanded in the Diary Room in the early hours yesterday over a comment she made in the house.

The 51-year-old compared living in the Big Brother basement to life in Nazi Germany’s Auschwitz concentration camp.

US star Heidi Montag, in the house with her husband Spencer Pratt, also found herself getting a telling off from show bosses.

The Daily Star reports that producers warned Heidi for using “unacceptable and potentially offensive| language after she told Sam Robertson he “looked like a Rasta and not to look so dirty”.

A show insider told the newspaper: “They were both reminded how things they say could be potentially offensive to others in the house or those watching at home.

“People often forget the cameras are on them recording everything they say, so it was a gentle reminder to behave.”

The insider added: “Paula was OK about it but Heidi got a little bit upset. I don’t think she’s used to getting told off.”

Paula didn’t seem too bothered, even boasting to her fellow housemates: “I said a word and I was told off for it. But I called my school that!”

Celebrity Big Brother 2013 continues nighty on Channel 5.

Smash's Second Season: A Tale of Two Musicals and Less Scarves

Bad news, Smash fans. You may not have seen the last of Broadway's most annoying assistant just yet.

"Ellis is still alive," executive producer Neil Meron told reporters with a laugh at NBC's winter TV previews Sunday. "How could we forget Ellis?"

Much to the contrary, the much-maligned character is just one part of the NBC musical comedy that executive producers are hoping fans will forgive and very quickly forget. After receiving a much-hyped launch last February, the show became the unintended poster child for "hate-watching" because of divisive characters like Ellis and less-than-believable lines such as "I'm in tech!"

"I read everything and... there were certain things that were written that I thought made a lot of sense," Meron says of the criticism during Season 1. "When Josh [Safran] came in for the second season and addressed all of those issues, it felt like the right move to make."

Now going into its second season, which premieres on Tuesday, Feb. 5 at 9/8c, Smash will return a very different show. Gone are cast members Will Chase, Raza Jaffrey, Brian D'Arcy James and Jaime Cepero, as well as showrunner and creator Theresa Rebeck, who has been replaced with former Gossip Girl showrunner Safran. "Theresa is a really great artist and she was very involved in the theater, and her focus was very much taken up by her other loves," Meron said of Rebeck's departure. "It was [about] availability and where her passions really lay."

Also absent from Season 2 are Julia's many scarves. "The first one that comes to my mind is the scarves," Meron said when asked about which Season 1 criticisms he agreed with. "There were certain story lines that were kind of pinpointed that you would say, 'Right. They could be a little more impactful.'"

Executive producer Craig Zadan went a step further  and said the vitriol directed towards the show last season helped the show's creative team confirm their own thoughts of what was working and what was not. "When we felt certain things were going off-kilter we would read about them in the press or on blogs," Zadan said. "We said if we are lucky enough to get a second season, 'Wouldn't it be great to fix things or adjust things or move those things around?' ... A lot of that reinforced our own instincts about the show."

Although Smash's Season 2 adjustments have been no secret, Safran says he doesn't believe the show has changed too much from the show people loved — and loved to hate — last year. "It's maybe bigger and there's more music and it's a little bit younger in regards to some of our new cast members but it's still the show that people love," he said. "We do have more original music, more musical sequences, more diverse music styles."

The more diverse music styles come courtesy of an entirely new musical, Hit List, that will go into development on the show this season. Hit List, which comes from new cast members Jeremy Jordan and Andy Mientus' characters, is described as a much more rock-pop production than Bombshell and stems from an idea first expressed by executive producer Steven Spielberg early in the show's development. "One of the things Steven said is, 'Wouldn't it be great is, if the show were successful, if we added another musical?'" Zadan said. "What we're really proud of and really excited about is that Bombshell is ongoing, but Josh found a way to start a new musical."

Going into the second season, viewers will see more of the nitty-gritty development of both Hit List and Bombshell, something both Meron and Zadan felt worked in Season 1. "Especially a show like Smash, which has so many moving parts, to figure out the mechanism is hard," Meron said. "When those moments worked in Season 1, I dare anyone to say what could be better entertainment."

Celebrity Big Brother 2013 housemates think Rylan has already won!

The Celebrity Big Brother 2013 housemates reckon that Rylan Clark is the one to beat.

Despite some of the group being totally unaware of who the X Factor singer was before entering the show, it seems now that everyone in the house thinks Rylan will win.

Aussie Ryan Moloney told Heidi and Spencer: “He’s entertaining, everybody in the public will see everyone laughing at him and they’ll be laughing with him.”

Spencer didn’t seem to completely agree however, saying: “You think he’s more entertaining than Razor?”

Ryan did, and also named Frankie Dettori and Claire Richards as his tips for runners up.

Heidi replied: “That’s interesting…you’re the first one to say Claire.”

Meanwhile bookies have already cut he odds of Rylan winning the show, despite the X Factor star being favourite going in.

Rylan entered the show as the 5/2 favourite and upon his special task with Frankie Dettori his odds rapidly tumbled to his current price of 13/8, meaning a £10 bet on the Essex star would only return £26.25.

Toady has also edged ahead to become the second favourite at 9/2 with Dettori half a length behind in third at 5/1. The jockey, who’s the housewives’ favourite, is also chalked up at 5/6 to perform his famous flying dismount in the house and at 6/4 to hop on to the back of one of his housemates and ride them.

It looks like it’s game over for Speidi as the couple are currently quoted as the least likely ‘contestant’ to win the show at 66/1.

Jessica Bridge of Ladbrokes said: “Punters are pretty confident that Rylan won’t drop out of the competition any time soon and have ploughed into his chances of winning.”

'Game of Thrones' Charles Dance: 'Reality TV is mind-numbing s**te'

Charles Dance has said that reality TV is "mind-numbing" and "s***e".

The Game of Thrones actor told Metro that aside from reality shows, British TV is improving.

"It seems to be getting better. Every now and then we'll come up with something really good - the tried-and-tested format of Downton Abbey goes on and The Hour is very well made," Dance said.

"Secret State was pretty bloody good but we also turn out a load of s**t - I'm thinking principally of the worst of reality TV, which is mind-numbing."

Asked if he ever watched such shows, he added: "Only Gareth Malone's choir shows - his love of what he does and his enthusiasm is infectious and he finds great talent in people who probably think they didn't have any.

"That's the only one I watch. I think the rest is s***e."

NBC Orders Summer Drama 'Camp'

NBC has ordered 13 episodes of the new drama "Camp" for summer, the network announced Sunday.

The show -- which NBC calls a "sly" drama in the tradition of the comedies "Meatballs" and "Dazed and Confused" -- comes from "Deception" creator Liz Heldens and "Deception" co-executive producer Peter Elkoff.

The series follows adults who "decompress with gin while teenagers make gleeful mischief and fall in and out of love."

The series will be produced by Matchbox Pictures (“The Slap”) and BermanBraun. Gail Berman, Lloyd Braun and Gene Stein (“Deception”) also are executive producers.

Production is scheduled to begin in Australia in March, and casting will be named at a later date.

NBC made the announcements at the Television Critics Association winter press tour.

Celebrity Big Brother first nomination results revealed

The results of the first set of nominations were announced to the Celebrity Big Brother house earlier today (January 6).

Paula Hamilton and Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt have been nominated for eviction alongside Frankie Dettori ahead of Wednesday night's (January 9) first eviction.

Jockey Dettori chose to put himself up for eviction yesterday (January 5) in a surprise twist. Dettori volunteered to go up for the public vote in return for a place in the main house.

Paula Hamilton was moved from the basement on Friday following medical advice, while The Hills stars Montag and Pratt also joined the main house yesterday.

The first housemate to be evicted from this year's series will be announced on Wednesday night's live eviction show with host Brian Dowling.

Celebrity Big Brother continues tonight at 9pm on Channel 5.

NBC Chief Says Strategy Worked, Talks Newtown Shootings, Notes Aging CW Audience

A year to the day after he had to announce that his network had had "a really bad fall," NBC entertainment chairman Bob Greenblatt returned to the Television Critics Association winter press tour Sunday to talk about NBC's rise to TV's top-rated network this season.

He also answered questions about how NBC is responding to the mass shooting in Newtown, Conn., and to note that his network's audience is getting younger even as those of others -- including the youth-targeted CW -- are aging.

He also referenced a recent comment by Fox entertainment chief Kevin Reilly that some in the TV industry "have our head up our ass."

"We don't have our heads up our asses," Greenblatt said.

He also brought out some numbers to prove it.

As Greenblatt noted, NBC was the only network to grow in both the key 18-49 demographic and total viewers this fall, and was the top-rated network in the demo. It was still No. 2 to CBS in total viewers.

But NBC gained largely on the strength of Sunday Night Football -- which is ending for the season -- and "The Voice," which is leaving the airwaves until the spring. Greenblatt conceded, as he has before, that NBC will have a harder road without them. But for now, he took the opportunity to point say that NBC's strategy under his watch seems to have worked.

That strategy called for using the Summer Olympics to promote NBC's fall lineup, premiering fall shows earlier, and using "The Voice," the network's biggest hit, as a ratings weapons.

"The Voice" has given NBC huge gains on Mondays and Tuesdays, and helped launch the new hit "Revolution" -- though "Revolution," like "The Voice," is also taking a midseason break. It will be back in March.

NBC isn't just improving in the ratings, Greenblatt said: It's average audience age is also getting younger. That's important because the 18-49 demo is prized by advertisers.

NBC's median age is 48.4 years, down from 49. CBS is at 56.4, ABC is at 53.2 and Fox is at 45.6, he said. The network's audience getting younger is important because advertisers most cherish viewers who are 18-49.

"Even the CW is up to 41.2, which is almost four years higher than it was last season," he said. "Did anyone think that the network once known for its teenage profile would have a median age of 41?"

He also fielded a question on NBC's response to the Newtown shootings. Many shows on other networks carried messages warning about violent content in the days after the shootings, and the NRA has claimed films and video games inspire violence.

Greenblatt and NBC entertainment president Jennifer Salke said the network didn't need to revamp its shows in light of the violence, because they weren't very violent to begin with.

"I mean, most people have children at this network and really care about the shows that we’re putting out there. And, you know, so it’s always on our mind. This just kind of really brought it to the forefront. And I would say, you know, the best tonic for not to be glib, but for this kind of thing is go watch an episode of 'Parenthood' as a really great example of a show about a family who love each other and grapple with all of the issues in life. And ultimately, I think you feel good at the end of the day."

He added: "You know, there’s an hour answer to that question, but we’re conscious of the amount of violence and the amount of edge in our shows. Obviously, in the cable world you can do all kinds of things that are no holds barred. There still is there are a lot of parameters in broadcast television that we think about, not only as a company that has responsibilities to the FCC, but as people who have families."

Pamela Anderson first to leave 'Dancing on Ice'

Pamela Anderson has become the first contestant to leave Dancing on Ice.

The former Baywatch star was left in the bottom two with TV presenter Keith Chegwin after the judges' scores were combined with the viewers' vote.

The celebrities' fate was then solely in the hands of show judges Jason Gardiner, Karen Barber, Ashley Roberts and Robin Cousins.

All four voted to save Chegwin over Anderson, after the 45-year-old made mistakes and stumbled throughout her skate-off routine.

After being eliminated, Anderson apologised to her professional skating partner Matt Evers, adding that she believed her nerves and wardrobe let her down, as her dress nearly fell off.

Presenter Philip Schofield, who co-hosts the reality show with Christine Bleakley, described the opening episode to the series as "shocking".

Half of the celebrity contestants performed tonight, with remaining skaters Luke Campbell, Oona King, Lauren Goodger, Joe Pasquale, Gareth Thomas and Anthea Turner taking to the ice for the first time next Sunday (January 13).

How A Tribe Called Quest Brought Lil Jon Back to 'Celebrity Apprentice'

Classic hip-hop group A Tribe Called Quest is responsible for several beloved and influential albums, anthems ranging from "Can I Kick It" to "Scenario," and, most recently, Lil Jon's return to "Celebrity Apprentice."

The 41-year-old, self-described "purveyor of krunk" said he elected to return for another season to Donald Trump's reality competition in part because his mother and Tribe rapper Phife were battling diabetes. Jon (pictured) decided to use his latest turn on the show to raise awareness of the disease, he said at the Television Critics Association winter press tour Sunday.

"I said on the finale, I’m like, 'Hell, no, I’m not coming back,''" he recalled. "And then while I was thinking about it, my mother had a stroke, and my mother has had diabetes, like, all her life, but I thought her diabetes was in remission. ... So it made me say, “You know what? Maybe I should go back to help bring awareness for friends and family of people with diabetes.”

What clinched the decision was watching Michael Rappaport's Tribe Called Quest documentary, "Beats, Rhymes & Life."

"And then I also saw a documentary with Tribe Called Quest, and in the documentary one of the guys in the group, Phife, he has diabetes, and, you know, I’m a fan of Tribe Called Quest. I know Phife, and his struggle was he wasn’t taking care of himself while they were doing their thing in hip hop," Jon said. "He lost a kidney, and his wife had to give him one of her kidneys. So those two things touched me, and it made me say, 'You know what? I can come back and compete and help bring awareness for this disease.'"

"Celebrity Apprentice," which also features Gary Busey, Bret Michaels, and other "Apprentice" all-stars, returns to NBC on Sunday, March 3.

TV Tonight 7th of January 2013

The daily list in alphabetical order, of all the new episodes airing.

Adventure Time with Finn and Jake S05E06: "Jake the Dad"
Antiques Road Trip S06E01: "Series 6, Episode 1"
Antiques Roadshow (US) S17E01: "Corpus Christi (Hour One)"
Bargain Hunt S33E04: "Series 33, Episode 4"
Big Brother's Bit on the Side S06E05: "Celebrity Big Brother's Bit on the Side - 5"
Bunheads S01E11: "You Wanna See Something?"
Cake Boss S05E25: "Players, Lawyers, and Pranksters"
Cake Boss S05E24: "Twirls, Whirls and Crashes"
Cake Boss: Next Great Baker S03E06: "Wedding Belles"
Castle (2009) S05E10: "Significant Others"
Catfish: The TV Show S01E07: "Joe & Kari Ann"
Celebrity Big Brother S11E06: "Series 11 - Day 4 Highlights"
Chelsea Lately S06E207
Come Dine With Me S20E79: "Series 20, Episode 61"
Conan S03E24: "Courteney Cox, Chris D'Elia, Dan Soder"
Cornwall with Caroline Quentin S02E01: "Series 2, Episode 1"
Coronation Street S54E05: "Mon January 7, 2013 [Episode 2]"
Coronation Street S54E04: "Mon January 7, 2013 [Episode 1]"
Daybreak S03E84: "January 7, 2013"
Days of our Lives S48E40: "Ep. #11996"
Deal Or No Deal (UK) S08E127: "Episode 2120"
Deception S01E01: "Pilot"
Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives S16E04: "Matches Made in Heaven"
Disappeared S05E07: "Missing in the Mountains"
Dispatches S27E01: "Secrets of Your Car Insurance"
Doctors S14E163: "Over a Barrel"
EastEnders S29E05: "Dexter"
Embarrassing Fat Bodies S02E01: "Between the Sheets"
Emmerdale S42E06: "January 7, 2013"
Escape To The Country S13E31: "Cornwall"
Face the Clock S01E01: "Episode 1"
Four In A Bed S04E01: "Series 4, Episode 1"
General Hospital (US) S50E191: "#12719"
Got to Dance S04E04: "Series 4, Episode 4"
Great British Railway Journeys S04E01
Hollyoaks S19E04: "January 7, 2013"
Hotel Impossible S02E04: "The Hotel Leger - CA"
House Hunters S51E05
Jimmy Kimmel Live S11E01
Judge Judy S17E105: "Jealousy Beer Bath! | Scratch That!"
Late Night with Jimmy Fallon S04E04
Late Show with David Letterman S20E63
Lewis S07E01: "Down Among the Fearful (1)"
Loose Women S17E74: "Series 17, Show 74"
Love & Hip Hop S03E01: "The Whole Truth and Nothing But The Truth…"
M.I. High S06E01: "The Fall of Skul"
Market Warriors S01E12: "Antiquing in Walnut, IA"
Miranda S03E03: "The Dinner Party"
Motorcity S01E20: "A Better Tomorrow, Part II"
Mr. D S02E01: "Gerry's Evaluation"
Mrs Brown's Boys S03E02: "Mammy's Inflation"
Nattpatruljen S01E01: "Season 1, Episode 1"
Neighbours S29E01: "Episode 6551"
Oliver Stone's Secret History of America S01E09
Only Connect S06E18: "Champions of Champions"
P.O.V. S25E13: "Reportero"
Peppa Pig S04E51: "The Olden Days"
Pointless S08E04: "Series 8, Episode 4"
RAW comedy club S06E04: "Season 6, Episode 4"
Regular Show S04E12: "TGI Tuesday"
School 2013 S01E11: "Season 1, Episode 11"
Sveriges mästerkock S03E01: "Auditionturné"
Switched at Birth S02E01: "The Door to Freedom"
Teen Mom 2 S03E08: "Caught In The Middle"
The All New Gadget Show S02E08: "Scotland"
The Bachelor S17E01: "Week 1 (S17)"
The Biggest Loser S14E02: "Get Moving"
The Bold and the Beautiful S26E199: "Ep. #6483"
The Chase (2009) S06E44: "Series 6, Episode 44"
The Chew S02E84: "Episode 322"
The Colbert Report S09E01: "Kathryn Bigelow"
The Daily Show S18E39: "Anne Hathaway"
The Dr. Phil Show S11E80: "Crazy, Stupid Love"
The Ellen DeGeneres Show S10E76: "Courteney Cox, Kevin Hart"
The Haunting Of S01E09: "Fairuza Balk"
The Jeremy Kyle Show S08E79: "January 7, 2013"
The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson S09E01: "Billy Gardell, Krysten Ritter"
The Layover S02E06: "Dublin"
The Mob Doctor S01E13: "Life and Death"
The Murdoch Mysteries (2008) S06E01: "Murdoch Air"
The Project S05E05: "Season 5, Episode 5"
The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills S03E08: "Unsolved Mistresses"
The Staircase S01E01: "Crime or Accident"
The Talk S03E79: "Matthew Perry, Michael Yo, Keri Glassman"
The Tonight Show with Jay Leno S21E14
The View S16E78: "Jessica Lange"
The Young and the Restless S40E200: "Ep. #10069"
Thuis S18E96: "Season 18, Episode 96"
Tipping Point S02E04: "Series 2, Episode 4"
Tron: Uprising S01E16: "Welcome Home"
True Crime with Aphrodite Jones S03E01: "Sex & Death in the OC"
University Challenge (1994) S19E31
Vanderpump Rules S01E01: "Welcome to SUR (Pilot)"
Wanted Down Under S07E04: "Series 7, Episode 4"
Watch What Happens: Live S09E02: "Lisa Vanderpump"
World's Craziest Fools S02E01: "Series 2, Episode 1"
WWE Raw S21E01

Development Update: The 7th of January

BADLANDS (HBO, New!) - Ron Fitzgerald ("Last Resort") and Rolin Jones ("Smash") have sold a new drama to the pay channel about "the challenges and joys of love and family, as well as the struggles of living in the blue-collar mining town of Tar River, Wyoming, that's fighting for its life during this economic hardship." Sony Pictures Television-based MiddKid Productions is behind the hour with the company's Shawn Ryan and Marney Hochman presumably executive producing alongside said duo. (

GIANT BABY (TV Land) - Michael Richards ("Seinfeld") and Gilles Marini ("Switched at Birth") have both landed roles on the comedy pilot, about Madison "Maddie" Banks (Kirstie Alley), a Broadway star who finds her life turned upside down when Arlo (Eric Petersen), the son she gave up for adoption 26 years ago, turns up looking to connect after his adopted mother has died. Richards will play Maddie's limo driver with Marini guest starring as her chef. Rhea Perlman also stars in the half-hour, from creator Marco Pennette. (

HIT (TNT, New!) - Actor Jamie Foxx ("The Jamie Foxx Show") and writer Robert Port ("NUMB3RS") are set to team for a new drama about "two former high school football teammates and best friends - one a QB, one a WR - who years later are 'drafted' by the Miami P.D. and assigned to HIT (High Impact Team)." They'll co-write the potential hour and executive produce alongside Foxx's producing partner Jaime King. (

IRONSIDE (NBC, New!) - Screenwriter Michael Caleo ("Malavita") and director David Semel ("Person of Interest") are set to team for a potential revival of Raymond Burr-led 1967-1975 series of the same name, about "a San Francisco police detective who's forced to find new ways of fighting crime after being paralyzed by a gunshot." Universal Television will presumably produce the new incarnation. (

LEGENDS (TNT) - Sean Bean ("Missing") has booked the lead role on the drama pilot, about a deep-cover operative named Martin Odum, who has an uncanny ability to transform himself into a different person for each job. He'll take over for Brendan Fraser, who bowed out of the project last month. Alexander Cary, Howard Gordon, Jeffrey Nachmanoff and Jonathan Levin are all behind the Fox 21-based hour, which is based on a book by master spy novelist Robert Littell. David Semel is directing. (

RIGHTS OF BILL (AMC, New!) - Alex Winter and Steven Pearl have sold a new drama to the cable channel about "a Sheriff who forms his own militia in Wisconsin, becoming both the law and an outlaw simultaneously." No other details were given about the project. (

UNDEREMPLOYED (MTV) - The cable channel has quietly bumped the scripted drama to Saturday nights at 8:00/7:00c. The newcomer posted a series low 342,000 viewers this past Tuesday and a 0.2 rating among adults 18-49. Said numbers are well short of its already modest premiere numbers from October 16 - 654,000 viewers and a 0.3 adults 18-49 rating. (@InbarLavi)

ROOKIE (ABC, New!) - Andy Bobrow ("Community") has booked a single-camera comedy at the Alphabet about "a twentysomething woman who tries to reinvent herself by becoming a cop, and finds a surrogate family amongst the disparate group of police she works with." Said half-hour comes from the Sony Pictures Television-based Olive Bridge Entertainment with the company's Will Gluck and Richie Schwartz serving as executive producer and co-executive producer, respectively. Scott Zabielski ("Tosh.0") is also attached as a consulting producer. (

SHE GOT PROBLEMS (ABC, New!) - Alison McDonald ("Nurse Jackie") has landed a potential comedy at the Alphabet based on her short film of the same name about "the life of an African-American writer who escapes her romance and career problems with a world of musical fantasy." ABC Studios is behind the half-hour, which McDonald will write and serve as a supervising producer. (

BLACK SAILS (Starz) - Mark Ryan is the latest to board the upcoming drama, a pirate adventure centering on the tales of Captain Flint and his men, 20 years prior to Robert Louis Stevenson's classic "Treasure Island." He'll play Gates, Captain Flint's (Toby Stephens) right-hand man, in the project, which also stars Clara Paget, Hakeem Kae Kazim, Hannah New, Jessica Parker Kennedy, Luke Arnold, Toby Schmitz, Tom Hopper and Zack McGowan. Jon Steinberg and Robert Levine are behind the project, which is set up at Michael Bay's Platinum Dunes banner. (

I HUNT KILLERS (ABC Family, New!) - Arika Mittman ("Dexter") is developing a small screen take on Barry Lyga's young-adult novel of the same name, about "the teenage son of an imprisoned notorious serial killer, a likable boy who becomes a suspect after a string of copy-cat murders." Said effort is set up at Warner Horizon Television with Silver Pictures' Joel Silver executive producing. Mittman will pen the script and serve as a co-executive producer with Lyga himself on board as a consultant. (

INSTANT MOM (Nickelodeon) - Michael Boatman has boarded the comedy pilot, which stars Tia Mowry as a 25-year-old party girl who trades in Cosmos for carpools when she marries an older man with kids. He'll take over for Duane Martin as said fellow, successful doctor Charlie, following today's table read. Sheryl Lee Ralph, Sydney Park, Tylen Williams and Damarr Calhoun and also star in the half-hour, from co-creators Warren Bell and Jessica Butler as well as executive producer Aaron Kaplan of Kapital Entertainment. (

KISSING OUTSIDE THE LINES (NBC, New!) - Diane Farr's memoir is being developed as a comedy at the Peacock. The single-camera project, set inside a Venice Beach bar, will revolve around "an Italian girl and a Korean guy who fall in love in California despite their parents, who will do anything to stop their relationship." Farr herself will pen the half-hour and executive produce alongside Warren Hutcherson ("Reed Between the Lines"). No studio was indicated. (

POWER (Starz, New!) - Curtis "50 Cent" Jackson is developing a potential drama at the pay channel about a New York nightclub owner who "skirts the line between legitimacy and criminality." Courtney Kemp Agboh ("The Good Wife") is set to pen the CBS Television Studios-based hour and will executive produce alongside Jackson, Mark Canton ("300") and Randall Emmett ("End of Watch"). (

ROMEO KILLER: THE CHRIS PORCO STORY (Lifetime, New!) - Matt Barr, Eric McCormack, Emily Bett Rickards and Lolita Davidovich are set to star in the cable channel's latest docudrama, inspired by the true story of Christopher Porco, "who was convicted of killing his father and attempting to murder his mother." Barr will play the title role with Davidovich as his mother; McCormack as a local police detective; and Rickards as "a young love interest of the accused killer who had maintained his innocence." Norma Bailey is directing from a script by Edithe Swensen with Steve Solomos, Harvey Kahn, Michael Jaffe of Michael Jaffe Films and Ilene Kahn Power of Kahn-Powers Pictures as the executive producers. (

UNTITLED MOLLY RINGWALD PROJECT (Lifetime, New!) - Molly Ringwald ("The Secret Life of the American Teenager") is developing a potential drama at the cable channel about "a woman who returns to her hometown with two kids and confronts the social issues of her past, including the mean girls of her high school days." No other auspices were given about the project, which Ringwald will star in and executive produce. (

AMAZON (The CW) - The netlet has hired casting directors Barbara Fiorentino and Danielle Aufiero to begin the search for the titular role, which is based on the DC Comics heroine Wonder Woman. Allan Heinberg is behind the Warner Bros. Television-based hour, which envisions Diana as a Tarzan-esque fish-out-of-water, chronicling the superhero's life as a young Amazonian, before she becomes a warrior princess with super powers. Adrianne Palicki previously played said role in David E. Kelley's much-ballyhooed incarnation at NBC, which didn't move forward. (

FAIRY TALE THEATER: 18 AND OVER (FX, New!) - J. Michael Feldman's comedic stage show - which "features puppets in satirical, twisted fables that center on contemporary topics like sex, relationships and finances" - is being eyed as a potential comedy at the cable channel. Feldman (MTV's "The Inbetweeners") will pen the project and executive produce alongside Billy Crystal. (

KINGPIN (Cinemax, New!) - Newcomer Chad St. John has sold a potential drama to the pay channel about "a crafty and careful mid-level drug trafficker trying to get out of the business only to be blackmailed back into it by a dirty DEA agent." Overbrook Entertainment is behind the hour with Viruna Arend and the company's James Lassiter also among the executive producers. (

PAPER (HBO, New!) - Jake Halpern's New Yorker essay - about "a notorious ex-gangster and single father in Buffalo, N.Y., who is trying to reform himself by also serving as a professional debt collector" - is being developed as a drama at the pay channel. Plan B Entertainment's Dede Gardner and Brad Pitt are executive producing the project, to be penned and co-executive produced by Wells Tower. (

RUBÍ (FOX, New!) - Screenwriter Lisa Loomer ("Girl, Interrupted") is developing a domestic take on the 2004 telenovela of the same name, about "a beautiful but poor woman who will do anything to make her dream a reality and become rich, even giving up the greatest love of her life." 20th Century Fox Television and Televisa USA are behind the hour, which Loomer and Michael Garcia will executive produce. (

SLATY FORK (FOX, New!) - David Holstein ("Weeds") has booked a potential single-camera comedy at the network about "the relationship between a young female cop and her dad, the former police chief, as well as other local police and volunteer firefighters in an offbeat resort town." Said half-hour is set up at 20th Century Fox Television and FishBowl Worldwide Media with the latter's Vin Di Bona, Bruce Gersh, Susan Levison and Shaleen Desai executive producing and creator Holstein serving as a co-executive producer. (

WATCHLIST (FOX, New!) - Chad St. John likewise has set up a drama at FOX about "two ex-clandestine Special Ops teammates who sacrifice their normal lives to come to the rescue of a third former teammate who is framed by a powerful CIA faction for a political assassination." Overbrook Entertainment likewise is behind the hour with John presumably executive producing alongside Will Smith and James Lassiter. (

SPARTACUS (Starz) - Todd Lasance's Gaius Julius Caesar, the chief antagonist of the show's upcoming final season, is being eyed for a potential spin-off at the cable channel. Executive producer Robert Tapert is spearheading the effort, which would track the young Caesar who has yet to begin his ascent toward ruling the Roman state. "Spartacus" creator Steven S. DeKnight likely won't be involved in the project as he's busy with the sci-fi drama "Incursion," also at the network. (

2013 Midseason Premieres Calendar: What Shows Will You Be Watching?

Monday, January 7

The Bachelor
Season 17 Premiere (8pm, ABC)
Which attention-hungry maniac will Sean Lowe choose to break off his engagement with a few months down the road?

The Biggest Loser
Season 14 Premiere, Part 2 (in its regular time period of 9pm, NBC)
Because there's always leftover chili and mayonnaise pie.

Switched at Birth
Season 2 Premiere (8pm, ABC Family)
Fun fact: Each episode of this teen-focused family soap is named after a classic work of art!

Season 1.5 Premiere (9pm, ABC Family)
Watch star Sutton Foster break the world record for speed-talking three times in the premiere of this charming drama from the creator of The Gilmore Girls.

Meagan Good stars as a detective who goes undercover to find out the truth about her childhood friend's death in this soapy drama that's basically Revenge without the fun.

Vanderpump Rules
The lady who owns Giggy deals with the drama of owning a restaurant and saying ridiculous things.

Tuesday, January 8

Pretty Little Liars
Season 3.5 Premiere (8pm, ABC Family)
Hot kids get tormented by other hot kids.

Betty White's Off Their Rockers
Season 2 Premiere (8pm, NBC)
The elderly rise up against their youthful oppressors through prank warfare.

The Lying Game
Season 2 Premiere (9pm, ABC Family)
ABC Family's block of teaching teens to be terrible people continues with this drama based on an armful of fibs.

Cougar Town
Season 4 Premiere (10pm, TBS)
Courteney Cox's sitcom makes its debut on its new channel, where it will be allowed to be raunchier and drunker.

SERIES PREMIERE (10pm, Discovery)
The colorful wildlife of the untamed continent is hunted by HD cameras in this latest from the patient cameramen of Planet Earth and Life.

The Joe Schmo Show
Season 3 Premiere (10pm, Spike)
After nine years away, the fake reality show where everyone's in on it except for one dude returns. This time, fake contestants are fake competing to be fake bounty hunters.

Season 4 Premiere (10pm, FX)
Handsome Raylan Givens (handsome Timothy Olyphant) is back to say some more awesome things at bad guys right before he shoots them.

The Burn with Jeff Ross
Season 2 Premiere (10:30pm, Comedy Central)
Oh, so he's going by just "Jeff" now. Watch the roast master as he almost gets in fights with strangers after he calls them names.

Wednesday, January 9

Stars in Danger: The High Dive
SPECIAL (8pm, Fox)
Hahaha. Oh man.

The People's Choice Awards
Hollywood's most hollow award will be handed out to whatever Justin Bieber tells his Beliebers to vote for.

Washington Heights
Nine twenty-somethings from New York try to make it big. Bigger than having their own MTV reality show.

Thursday, January 10

1600 Penn
Regular Time Period Premiere (9:30pm, NBC)
Josh Gad stars as the most annoying character on television in this sitcom about the president's family in the White House. NBC previewed the pilot of this ho-hum comedy last month. If you missed it, watch it on
NBC's site.

Season 2 Premiere (10pm, Bravo)
Apparently Kathy Griffin has a talk show.

Friday, January 11

SERIES PREMIERE (10pm, Cinemax)
An escaped con steals the identity of a small-town sheriff, plus boobs and violence. Produced by True Blood's Alan Ball.

Sunday, January 13

The Golden Globes
Celebrities show up for free booze. Hosted by Tina Fey and Amy Poehler.

Season 3 Premiere (9pm, Showtime)
It's like Parenthood if the Bravermans weren't such pussies.

Season 2 Premiere (9pm, HBO)
Lena Dunham is the voice of her generation, and that voice says, "Let's be naked or talking to each other while peeing ALL THE TIME."

Season 2 Premiere (9:30pm, HBO)
New Age crazy lady Amy Jellicoe keeps things uncomfortable as she battles to tear down her corporate employer in this thought-provoking parody of everything.

House of Lies
Season 2 Premiere (10pm, Showtime)
Don Cheadle talks directly into the camera a bunch and lots of sex and stuff in this fast-talking hustling dramedy about a rogue consultant firm.

Season 6 Premiere (10:30pm, Showtime)
In Season 6, Hank Moody writes a musical with his druggie rockstar friend.

Monday, January 14

The Carrie Diaries
This prequel to Sex and the City follows a young Carrie Bradshaw in the 1980s and features plenty of classic '80s tunes butchered by today's no-name artists who won a contest or something to get their sound heard on a CW show. Also, shoes.

A hottie cop from the future warps to the past to hunt down anti-corporate terrorists in this solid sci-fi drama. Have you illegally downloaded this already?

Being Human
Season 3 Premiere (9pm, Syfy)
The best North-American-produced drama about a werewolf, vampire, and ghost sharing an apartment in Boston on television.

Lost Girl
Season 3 Premiere (10pm, Syfy)
Syfy keeps the trading line for science-fiction shows between the U.S. and Canada strong with this drama about horny succubi.

Tuesday, January 15

Face Off
Season 4 Premiere (9pm, Syfy)
This fun reality competition show has weird contestants put goop and paint on models' bodies. What body modifications will judge Glenn Hetrick show up with this season?

Wednesday, January 16

American Idol
Season 12 Premiere, Part 1 (8pm, Fox)
Nicki Minaj and Mariah Carey claw each other's hair extensions out while aspiring pop stars sing at them.

Ghost Hunters
Season 9 Premiere (9pm, Syfy)
Maybe this is the season they'll find a ghost?

Ghost Mine
Another ghost show. This one looks at "the intersection of the dangerous and back-breaking work of gold mining and paranormal investigation," which is an intersection I did not know existed.

Season 3.5 Premiere (10pm, Comedy Central)
Hopefully you have enough time to re-up your bong stuffers and crappy beer stash for this funny thing.

Kroll Show
SERIES PREMIERE (10:30pm, Comedy Central)
Comedian Nick Kroll (The League) gets his own sketch show, and it's going to be weeeeeeeird.

Thursday, January 17

American Idol
Season 12 Premiere, Part 2 (8pm, Fox)
Wannabe rockstars fight with Mariah Carey's ego for attention and lose.

Anger Management
Season 2 Premiere (9pm, FX)
This documentary series follows Charlie Sheen as he womanizes and acts like a jerk. (Edit: I have been notified that this is actually a scripted show.)

Season 4 Premiere (10pm, FX)
Find out why you get ants in this thought-provoking and genital-stimulating animated series about a depraved spy.

King of the Nerds
SERIES PREMIERE Season 4 Premiere (10pm, TBS)
A reality show in which those of the geekier persuasion battle it out for the honorary title of "King Nerd Neverlaid."

Season 2.5 Premiere (10pm, USA)
A lawyer and a non-lawyer do some lawyering together in this drama about lawyers.

Australian comedian Jim Jefferies (mind the extra 'e') stars as himself in this politically incorrect comedy about a man who's trying to not be such a screw-up.

Totally Biased with W. Kamau Bell
Season 2 Premiere (11pm, FX)
It's like The Daily Show, but less daily.

SERIES PREMIERE (midnight, Adult Swim)
This newsy spin-off of Childrens Hospital is a spin-off of Childrens Hospital so it's going to be funny.

Friday, January 18

Real Time With Bill Maher
Season 11 Premiere (10pm, HBO)
For that one dude out there who watches Real Time With Bill Maher. You're welcome, one dude!

Saturday, January 19

An Idiot Abroad
Season 3 U.S. Premiere (9pm, Science)
Ricky Gervais's knucklehead buddy continues to prove Darwin's Survival of the Fittest theory wrong by traveling around the world and not dying.

Stuff You Should Know
SERIES PREMIERE (10pm, Science)
Chuck Bryant and Josh Clark turn their podcast into a TV show.

Ripper Street
U.S. SERIES PREMIERE (10pm, BBC America)
This BBC mini is set six months after the murders of Jack the Ripper and follows some coppers as they deal with copy-cat murders and the possibility that Jack may be back.

Sunday, January 20

Kourtney & Kim Take Miami
Season 3 Premiere (9pm, E!)
As far as I'm concerned, they can HAVE Miami.

Monday, January 21

The Following
Do you like serial killers? Do you like the power of social networks? Then you'll love this bloody drama about an FBI agent (Kevin F-wording Bacon!) who tracks down a group of serial killers that was cobbled together online by one of modern day's most notorious and tech-savvy serial killers.

Tuesday, January 22

The Taste
This primetime cooking show is different from other cooking shows because the judges will taste the food before meeting the chefs who whipped it up. After that, it's just like every other cooking show.

The Ultimate Fighter
Season 16 Premiere (9pm, FX)
Grown men beat each other up to satiate the population's need for violence and maintain the subordination that is necessary to keep the dream of capitalism alive.

White Collar
Season 4.5 Premiere (10pm, USA)
Matt Bomer is in this.

Wild Things With Dominic Monaghan
Charlie from Lost goes on paid vacations and plays with creepy animals.

Wednesday, January 23

Necessary Roughness
Season 2.5 Premiere (10pm, USA)
Contrary to what I believed would happen, this drama DID get renewed so I guess we have to keep on watching the weekly stories of a woman who is a therapist for a football team.

Thursday, January 24

Incredible Crew
SERIES PREMIERE (10pm, Science)
A presumably incredible crew of six young'uns pulls pranks, performs bits, and more in this sketch-comedy show from Nick Cannon.

Project Runway
Season 11 Premiere (9pm, Lifetime)
The latest edition of the fashion war learned that tinkering with the original formula led to disaster. Oh wait, it didn't. This year, the contestants will be thrown into teams!

Friday, January 25

Spartacus: War of the Damned
Season 3 Premiere (9pm, Starz)
Is it the third season? Or is it the fourth season? Does the prequel season Gods of the Arena count? Or do we say that was a little side trip? All will be revealed in War of the Damned!

Monday, January 28

Season 2 Premiere (9pm, TNT)
This remake of your grandmother's favorite primetime story returns one Ewing down, as star Larry Hagman passed away halfway through filming Season 2. R.I.P., J.R.

RuPaul's Drag Race
Season 5 Premiere (9pm, Logo)
A bunch of hot ladies strut around and compete in sexy challenges. I've got my eye on the tall muscular blonde!

Wednesday, January 30

The Americans
Keri Russell and Matthew Rhys play way-deep-undercover KGB agents living in 1981 America during the height of the Cold War and the Great Carpal Tunnel Syndrome that sprung from the popularity of the Rubik's Cube.

Thursday, January 31

Do No Harm
A talented surgeon shares a body with a deranged hedonist in this Jekyll-and-Hyde drama that's as fun as it is completely ludicrous.

Friday, February 1

House of Cards
This political drama starring Kevin Spacey as a politician looking to move into the White House is the future of television, ladies and germs. The entire first season will be released at once, on Netflix. I don't know about you, but I'm watching the finale first.

Sunday, February 3

Super Bowl XLVII
SPORTS! (6:30pm Eastern/3:30pm Pacific), CBS)
Watch Peyton Manning win his first Super Bowl with the Denver Broncos as the donkeys beat the San Francisco 49ers 23-17 if you're sober enough.

Monday, February 4

Rules of Engagement
Season 7 Premiere (8:30pm, CBS)
Really? Only seven seasons? It seems more like 3,692 seasons.

Monday Mornings
This show that follows the professional and personal lives of doctors in Portland is sure to be all the rage among doctors in Portland.

Tuesday, February 5

Season 2 Premiere (9pm, regular 10pm slot after, NBC)
The new season of the musical drama returns without characters Ellis, Dev, Frank, and Michael, not to mention showrunner Theresa Rebeck, who left to pursue other projects. Yep, everything was just fine with the show in Season 1.

Body of Proof
Season 3 Premiere (10pm, ABC)
Dana Delaney stars as a former surgeon turned medical examiner in this procedural that I can't believe is still on the air.

Season 5 Premiere (10pm, Comedy Central)
Broken bones, various states of nudity, and pus mixed together for 30 minutes. It's this generation's America's Funniest Home Videos.

Thursday, February 7

Season 4 Premiere (8pm, NBC)
No Dan Harmon, half a Chevy Chase, and it will still probably be the best network comedy on television. Welcome back, AbedTroyJeffAnnieBrittaShirleyPierceDeanChang.

BrandX With Russell Brand
Season 2 Premiere (11:30pm, FX)
Rambling from some British guy with a superiority complex. Season 2 will be extended to an hour each episode.

Friday, February 8

Season 2 Premiere (8pm, Fox)
Martin comes back for another season of intensely staring at his son Jake who is doodling something about reuniting someone on the other side of the world with their long-lost teddy bear that jogs some memory about their father.

The Job
This reality show hosted by Mrs. Les Moonves lets contestants compete in challenges for their dream job at their dream company. I can't think of a more deserving way to employ people than to see who can best other strangers in office-related tasks. "Johnson, that paper-clip chain is outstanding! You're hired!"

Sunday, February 10

The Walking Dead
Season 3.5 Premiere (9pm, AMC)
If someone were to create Zom-B-Gone, a cleaner that easily removes stains created by messy zombie brainings, they would be a post-apocalyptic millionaire!

Talking Dead
Season 2.5 Premiere (10pm, AMC)
Semi-famous people talk about The Walking Dead.

Monday, February 11

Inside Comedy
Season 2 Premiere (11pm, Showtime)
The second season of Showtime's stand-up standup documentary kicks off with featured interviews with Louis C.K. and Bob Newhart.

Wednesday, February 13

Survivor: Caramoan
Season 26 Premiere (8pm, CBS)
People still be Survivin' yo. This year it's fans vs. favorites in the Philippines.

Season 5 Premiere (10pm, TNT)
Cops doing cop things like protecting, serving, and racial profiling. This season adds Chad Michael Murray, mom. (She's a huge One Tree Hill fan.)

Thursday, February 14

Zero Hour
Conspiracies are theorized in this new thriller starring Anthony Edwards as the author of a skeptics magazine who gets caught up in a conspiracy of his own. And this one goes all the way to the top! Probably.

Comic Book Men
Season 2.5 Premiere (9pm, AMC)
Dudes in a comic-book shop sit around and talk about comics while trying to sell or buy comics in this show about comics (and comic-related memorabilia).

This docu-series follows the family that comprises the Venice Beach Freakshow, a consortium of weirdos.

A reality show about taxidermists because of course we need a reality show about taxidermists.

Sunday, February 17

The Amazing Race
Season 22 Premiere (8pm, CBS)
Another season of people running around the globe and not even taking the time to soak in the local culture. Americans, am I right?

Tuesday, February 19

This meta thriller about super-obsessed TV fans re-enacting horrific acts from their favorite show and the rogue investigators trying to get to the bottom of what's going on could either be deliciously campy or utter garbage.

Friday, February 22

Out There
This is a trippy animated series featuring monster-ish kids going through adolescence, with an awesome voice cast that includes Fred Armisen (Portlandia), Megan Mullally (Childrens Hospital), Linda Cardellini (Freaks and Geeks), John DiMaggio (Futurama), and Pamela Adlon (Louie).

Sunday, February 24

The Academy Awards
AWARDS SHOW (7pm E/4pm P), ABC)
How many awards will Here Comes the Boom take home? Seth MacFarlane hosts for some reason.

Tuesday, February 26

Golden Boy
SERIES PREMIERE ("special advanced preview" at 10pm, CBS)
Brit Theo James (Bedlam, Downton Abbey) stars as a hotshot rookie cop who shoots up the ranks to become New York's youngest police commissioner. And it has Chi McBride in it!

Wednesday, February 27

Boston's Finest
Real Boston cops are at the center of this reality series that puts cameras in the faces of everyone from rookie beat officers to SWAT team members.

Season 7 Premiere (10pm, USA)
The upcoming season will feature a musical episode and episodes based on Clue and The Blair Witch Project.

Thursday, February 28

The Ben Show
SERIES PREMIERE (10pm, Comedy Central)
Comedian Ben Hoffman goes on different excursions, like forming a band or auditioning for a TV show, each week. With, I assume, hilarious results.

Nathan For You
SERIES PREMIERE (10:30pm, Comedy Central)
Comedian Nathan Fielder uses his business background to give advice to business owners and other professionals. And hopefully it's funny advice!

Sunday, March 3

The Celebrity Apprentice
Season 13 Premiere (9pm, NBC)
This year's all-star cast features such top-notch folks as Stephen Baldwin, Claudia Jordan, Dennis Rodman, and Lisa Rinna. Is this The Celebrity Apprentice or is it a collection of God's greatest creations?

Red Widow
A wife and mother of three becomes a Russian gangster after her mafia husband is murdered!

SERIES PREMIERE (10pm, History)
History makes its own history with its first scripted series about the pillaging bearded drunkards of Scandinavia.

Friday, March 8

Fashion Star
Season 2 Premiere (8pm, NBC)
Project Runway is to Nordstrom, as Fashion Star is to TJ Maxx.

Season 2.5 Premiere (9pm, NBC)
There are monsters in the world! And there are dudes who kill them! Nick Burkhardt, a Portland cop, is one of those dudes. These are his stories.

Golden Boy
Regular Time Period Premiere (9pm, CBS)
Look at CBS doin' the advanced preview thing!

Monday, March 18

Dancing With the Stars
Season 16 Premiere (8pm, ABC)
See the description for The Celebrity Apprentice but just add "dancing" in there somewhere.

Bates Motel
A prequel to Psycho that give us Norman Bates' backstory, from executive producers Carlton Cuse (Lost) and Kerry Ehrin (Friday Night Lights). Ree ree ree reeeeeeeeeee

Tuesday, March 19

Celebrity Diving
See the description for Stars in Danger: The High Dive but just add "AGAIN ARE YOU KIDDING ME?" in there somewhere.

Monday, March 25

The Voice
Season 4 Premiere (8pm, NBC)
NBC's life preserver returns for more oversaturation, but Christina Aguilera and Cee-Lo Green are taking the season off. They'll be replaced by Shakira and Usher. Will racist shut-in Dorothy Jenkins, 57, of Duluth, Minnesota notice? Find out on this season of The Voice!

Season 1.5 Premiere (10pm, NBC)
OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG I can't wait for this! I bet that helicopter killed them ALL.

Sunday, March 31

Ready for Love
This matchmaking reality show moves into the technological age by letting the women of America Facebook-stalk three eligible bachelors.

Call the Midwife
Season 2 Premiere (8pm, PBS)
This drama is set in 1950s England and is based on the memoirs of Jennifer Worth, London's Heavyweight Midwifing Champion who beat the Russians in the 1952 Midwife Bowl.

Game of Thrones
Season 3 Premiere (9pm, HBO)
After you've had your fill of hardcore midwifing, settle into this easy-going drama about families quarreling in a land of fantasy. There be dragons and walkers of the white and wolves of dire ahead! And a finale that will force at least 15 people to kill themselves.

Wednesday, April 3

How To Live With Your Parents (For the Rest of Your Life)
A divorced mother of one adorable little girl is forced to move back in with her hippie parents, and wouldn't you know it? They clash!

Wednesday, May 1

The Family Tools
A man takes over his family's handyman business while his father (who started the family handyman business) makes fun of him.